Conchord Crazy

I know, I know, that question is on the minds of everyone today. Never to fear, I have posted surefire songs that you can sing to your Valentine to elicit the response you want. (Not licensed to actually recommend songs, actual results may vary.)

• Business Time
  • When to Sing it: I think you know the answer to this. It is especially good for married couples or people who own oversized T-shirts and business socks.
  • How to Sing it: Channel Barry White. Make Jemaine proud.
  • Expected Response: It will be intense. In which direction, that I cannot predict for you.
• If You’re Into It
  • When to Sing it: If you haven’t been dating for all that long, and you’re not sure what they want from you, this is a good way to ask the question in song, and based on the reaction, you’ll be able to plan your next move for the romantic Valentine’s Day of her dreams.
  • How to Sing it: Sweet and cute, as to not come on too strong. If there’s a toy piano around, that could help the situation.
  • Expected Response: They will either think you are joking and just think you’re the funniest Valentine ever, or they will take you very seriously and get very turned on by this song. This is probably a win-win situation, so congrats for picking this tune.
• A Kiss Is Not A Contract
  • When To Sing it: You’re in a relationship, but you don’t want to be, and you decided that Valentine’s Day was the right day to put that plan into action. You’re an idiot. Okay, or, if you’re someone who doesn’t want to give it all up to a girl..or a guy, whatever, and you are not confident enough to express it in spoken words. This is also a good choice for you.
  • How to Sing it: Laying in a bed of flowers spinning and rotating and very mellow.
  • Expected Response: Probably anger. Don’t be near anything breakable or potentially pain-inducing.

These three songs really run the gamut of Valentine’s Day situations, in my opinion. If you have one to add, let me know!

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