Umm, wow, I’m not sure where to start with this episode. Put Will Forte and Lord of the Rings together and you’ve got a winningly funny episode, I guess?

So, anyway, the episode goes like this. Remember, you can click here to get HBO’s heinously short synopsis. As if….So, anyway, Murray is really down during this episode, and the boys try to think of things to do to cheer him up. He feels like he’s doing a bad job with the band and that he hasn’t really done anything right yet. The duo decides to enlist some help, and find an actor played by Will Forte. They ask him if he could help them by pretending to be a record executive, and to tell Murray that the music is good, but still let him down, because, as you know, he’s not really a record exec. Anyway, the plan goes a little awry when he can’t say no to Murray and tells him that he’ll be offering him a million-dollar contract. Can you say “oops?” Anyway, there’s a music video that results, complete with Mel speaking Elvish or Elvin or whatever it is, I’m sure my boyfriend would yell at me if he saw that I didn’t know what the language was exactly called, but whatever, I don’t watch LotR.

Songs in this episode are “Cheer Up Murray” and “Frodo.”

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No longer is the folk duo to be alone in this great episode, “Girlfriends.” And who’d have thought it would have started because Jemaine needed a wingman in his pursuit of a croissant? Anyway, the two walk into a bakery, see two lovely ladies, and start imagining in French….and technicolor….and 60s Laugh-In camp-ish style. Awesome.

Bret and Jemaine decide to take them on a date, and Jemaine decides to switch girls, while Bret does well with both. Jemaine just can’t catch a break, can he? Once Bret switches, he starts to really hit it off with his new girl, but then she starts pressuring him to do things that he doesn’t wanna do. (You know what I’m talking about…) This is when we find out Bret is a virgin! Woahhhhzors! She finally gets him to do the deed by telling him that she’s shipping out to Iraq the next day, but after it’s all said and done, he sees her in the bakery the very next morning. Owch.

It was a hard lesson to learn, but at least Bret ends the episode a wiser and more aged man. Jemaine, on the other hand, doesn’t get any, although he remains the big-talker we know and love.

Songs featured in this episode: “Foux De Fa Fa” (which I spell different every time, sorry) and “A Kiss Is Not A Contract.”

Click here for the photo source and HBO’s synopsis.

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Once again, if you’d like the HBO Synopsis (and the link to this picture) click here. My synopsis follows….the better synopsis. Kind of like pork is the other white meat. Except I don’t eat pork. And they say other, and not better. Okay, so my reference sucks, but my summary is better, I promise!

So, this is the oh-so-rare occasion where I’m not actually watching the episode to give a synopsis, so I’ll do this the best I can with what I remember. It’s been a while since we’ve seen Sally, and all of a sudden, she’s back and Jemaine sees her in a laundromat. They start talking a bit, and Sally mentions how she wants to settle down someday. This is when “Business Time” starts, one of the greatest songs in the Conchords repertoire. Jemaine is imagining his life with Sally, and it’s definitely a typical, realistic view of what happens after two people are married after a while….or at least, what everyone dreads is going to happen, however, Jemaine seems to idealize this idea.

The two start hanging out again, but Sally insists that Jemaine needs to get his own place and not live with Bret anymore, so he does just that. He moves into a very swanky apartment complex….although his apartment isn’t quite matching the building. He actually moves into a janitor’s closet. Jemaine later talks about hosting a party on the weekend.

Bret gets, well, let’s say, miffed at all these new arrangements. First of all, Jemaine has left him to move somewhere else, and the other reason is Sally, whom Bret dated for like 6 months. He starts to get jealous and shows his feelings for Sally, although he’s still dating Coco. Sally’s birthday is coming up, so Bret and Jemaine both compete to make something that Sally will love. Bret comes up with a song, Jemaine comes up with an amazing paper cut-out card. The two upgrade from there, until it gets to a pebble with Sally’s name on it and a glass butterfly.

Sadly, the competition backfires, although it’s well-displayed in the gifts and in the song “Sally, I Love You,” where Jemaine echoes all of Bret’s sentiments. It turns out that Sally has a boyfriend, a fiance, actually, and worst of all, he’s Australian. Coco also breaks up with Bret because it’s obvious to her that he still has feelings for Sally. The break-up is actually conveyed through Jemaine, and is undeniably the best conversation in the episode.

So, that’s the best I can come up with from memory. If there’s a part of the episode that I forgot and you love it, correct me and add it in a comment. I know that my mind isn’t perfect, but I think I hit just about everything. Oh, also, I love Rachel Blanchard. You should too.

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Once again, if you’d like to hear HBO’s synopsis (where I got this sweet pic of the camera-phone), click here. For my extremely detailed, never-watered-down synopsis, read on below…

If you ever wanted to find out the reason why so many New Zealanders are mugged in New York City,  this episode will provide you with the answer. In “Mugged,” Bret and Jemaine are instructed by Murray on how to navigate through New York. Some of his advice includes avoiding heavy traffic by going down back alleys, wearing bright orange reflective vest-belt-things, carrying a New York map everywhere, not to mention open, and wear New York hats and shirts…you know…to blend in.

It was really only a matter of time, with all this great advice, that the duo would risk getting mugged, which is exactly what happens. Luckily and unluckily for them, they don’t really have anything on them, except for Bret’s “Camera-phone,” which is literally a camera glued to a phone, that Bret made Jemaine for his birthday. In order to try and avoid getting mugged, the two sing…er….rap…the song, “Hip-hopapotamous vs. the Rhymenocerous.” It is a great gangsta rap, well, as good that New Zealand gangsta can get, I suppose. This song doesn’t really work, sadly, and the two are forced to flee from a knife. Bret manages to get away, but Jemaine gets stuck on a fence. Bret just leaves him there. Shoddy friend.

Later, we see Jemaine and one of the muggers in jail, and we find out that their respective friends have left them. Bret sends out a “search party,” consisting of Murray and Dave with a paintball gun, two days after Jemaine had been left. There is a tender moment in jail, and some guilt-tripping of Bret, not to mention the song “Think About It,” talking about horrible things that happen on the street, including children getting diseases from monkeys…you know, that silent epidemic and whatnot. Just horrible.

Although things are rough and Jemaine stays mad at Bret for a little while, surprisingly not for renting out the apartment to someone else, more for the whole running thing, everything gets sorted out by the end, and the two are friends again. The camera-phone even gets returned, with some pictures the mugger took with it, including, I believe, one of him robbing a place. Totally great, and the rap is one of my all-time favorite Conchord songs.

Coming up next, Song of the Day!

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Just like last week, here’s the link to the HBO synopsis of the episode. You can find my own, much more lengthy synopsis, below!

So, all we need to get to is the second episode before we realize that Bret and Jemaine are having money troubles. Bret comes home with some groceries, and Jemaine starts to eat a sandwich before being told that Bret just found them on the street. This causes a lot of torment, and starts the song “Inner City Pressure,” which has great synth effects, if you were curious.

The duo go to Murray’s office to have a band meeting, where they ask for any money they’ve saved away, which is like four dollars, since they lost six to buying the cash box to put it in. They’ve also tried selling merch, but only two t-shirts and zero mousepads have moved. 

They decide to get a job to support themselves, but only Bret is hired as a sign-holder, since Jemaine cracked that a lamppost could do the job that was required. However, Bret’s job poses a problem once Murray actually gets the band a gig for once, causing tension in the group.

Then the magic moment comes where Bret meets Coco, his new interest, and the song “She’s So Hot/BOOM!” starts up. One of my favorite lines of the song is, “She’s so hot she’s making me sexist.” The song that proceeds consists of many words replaced by “boom.” Good times, for sure.

The episode then goes to the convention where New Zealand’s booth is right next to Australia’s, and Australia is really being a jackass, to say the least. Sadly, the only thing New Zealand’s booth has to offer is rocks, The Lord of the Rings filming fame, a fence made out of toothbrushes, and Flight of the Conchords, which is missing Bret, who is replaced by a tape. The tape was actually well-received, and Bret is kicked out in order to make room for the tape. After this is a delightfully creepy car ride with Mel, which is always a pleasure to watch, that is, if you get pleasure out of being uncomfortable and afraid.

There’s a mini-montage of the two separated, and then Jemaine and Murray sit and talk about the pros and cons of the tape vs. Bret. One of the pros of a tape: “More compact.” Sadly, the tape is ruined and then Jemaine is out of the band as well. Jemaine then needs Bret in order to put the band back together, so he tries to convince him to join the band for a while, also while coming up with ideas to replace Bret unless he can’t convince him.

The next day, Bret is talking with Coco and finds out that she likes bands more than sings, so he’s back in the band. He figures out a way to manage both work and the band, and the episode ends harmoniously, as it should. His boss even makes a Flight of the Conchords sign using a hot dog sign. Thank goodness Bret didn’t get replaced with Brent, right? The rest of the season would be, like, really weird then.

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